Definitions For A New Age
Budget: A method for going broke methodically.
Chickens: The only animals you eat before they are born
and after they're dead.
Profanity: The linguistic crutch of inarticulate idiots.
Boat: A hole in the water surrounded by wood into which
one pours money.
Bachelor: One who treats all women as sequels.
Cigarette: A pinch of tobacco, wrapped in paper, fire
at one end, fool at the other.
Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.
Taxpayer: Someone who doesn't have to take a public
service exam to work for the government.
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
Stress: The confusion created when ones mind overrides
the body's basic desire to choke the living daylights out of
some idiot who desperately needs it.
Jury: Twelve people who determine which client has the
better lawyer.
Hospitality: Making your guests feel at home, even if
you wish they were.
Aquadextrious: The art of turning the bathtub tap on
with your toes.
Adult: A person who has stopped growing at both ends
and is now growing in the middle.
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